first anniversary

heart of stone, uploaded by lake.sider

IMG_3457.JPG, uploaded by spauldi1.

1. heading to traverse city, mi for our first anniversary.

2. only 52 days away.

3. I am planning it.

4. so excited!

chucking thoughts at Your face

4-18-08

Keep it from you,
a heart of stone
a desperate desire
I ruthlessly own.

Give it to you,
a stare in your eyes
a clench of my fist
I now despise.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."

Where is your grace? How does it sound?

"I once was lost, but now I'm found."

Keep searching, Lord. You'll find me facedown.

So let your glory shine around.

-Sasha Naomi

lost and alone.

January 8, 2006

So here I am-I was debating for a while what to do. I didn't want to stay at Community Worship and wanted to come to East Side, but now I'm not even listening to the speaker! Here I am-sitting in a cubby space-empty, meaningless room at the very back of the building of East Side Baptist Church, not listening to the speaker here or not at Community Worship, worshipping God like everyone thinks I am. I like it when no one in the entire world knows where I am, why I am here, and how I got here. I like being a complete mystery, lost and alone, but not afraid, because I know my way back home.

I briefly thought about running away. Driving, that is, as far as my gas would take me. I don't want to be here anymore. Nothing feels right. I think about Cody all the time, for some reason. I can't get my mind off that boy. I keep recollecting about my strange passion for Cody and how my life will never be the same without him. I keep trying to convince myself that life will be better, but my heart won't accept it.

For some reason I know I am going to see him again. Somehow, I'm going to face him this year, and I don't know how that's going to go over, but I want him so badly to think, "Wow, I'm missing out." I want him to believe with all his heart again that I am beautiful and no one could ever beat me to beauty.