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March 19, 2010

the Jenga tower that is my life.

My mind has been everywhere lately: the future, the prospect of moving, Marx, not using time wisely, writing, being creative, learning new things, having the discipline to learn new things, making new friends, having the courage to talk to people, getting out of my comfort zone, graduating, studying to pass clep tests, sleeping and lack thereof, hating my job at Kohl's, quitting my job at Kohl's, turning 22, trying to meet everyone else's expectations while losing my own wants and needs.............

My plans are like a Jenga tower: First I straighten my thoughts out and begin to pull my life together, I carefully take out one piece at a time, until before I know it, I make a wrong move, I lose focus, something distracts me, I take my eyes off the tower and BAM!..I have to start from square one. I could say I am done with this, that my tower will remain stable this time, but it's simply not going to happen. And yes-I could get discouraged like I usually do, and walk away from all prospects of a new beginning and simply leave the wood pieces on the table, tumbled to pieces. But I am going to keep trying, knowing that soon it will tumble again, and knowing that I will have to try again. That's life, and all I can do is be optimistic through the pessimism, keep trying, and know, like a t-shirt I saw today read "Everything is going to be AMAZING." Even though I don't believe it.

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