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May 18, 2009

the one thing keeping you down.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity...♥

Sara Bareilles wrote this song following her first very difficult break-up. These words are a perfect description of a rip-your-lungs-out, fall-so-hard-you-literally-can't-get-up, wish-you-could-sleep-the-rest-of-your-life-away break-up. Read the lyrics if you want to know what it is like to experience something like this, or if you are going through it right now.

A song, like always, is much better than simply the lyrics. The lyrics without the song is green beans without the salt. That's why I moved this song conveniently to the top of my playlist, and it should be playing as long as you have been reading this post.

I honestly like the male voice better than females. That's just the way I am. But when I listen to this song, Sara's voice makes me forget to breathe; it is so beautiful. Listen and read and think about all those people in your life who keep falling into someone else's gravitational pull, and can't stop.

Gravity, by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do,

I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I
try to make you see that you're everything
I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
can't seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

A break-up like that does something to you. It makes you feel that you are missing an essential part of your being; like your nervous system has failed and you can feel nothing and everything at the same time. I was the girl who fell, who could still taste his lips a year after we broke up, who could still smell his shampoo and see those pouty brown eyes looking at me with longing. But he was gone, seemingly forever, and I had nowhere to fall, because wherever I fell, it wasn't into him. No success felt as joyous. No failure compared to losing him.

And somehow, I got to keep him. I have a year full of him behind me, a year I spent with a ring on my left finger that belongs to him. Even after 35 years, when we have more years behind us than ahead, I will still be just as willing to give up everything for one more day, one more minute, another 35 years. Anything to stay here in his gravity.

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