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November 19, 2008

what is your worst fear?

Watch this music video, and you will discover my worst fear coming true.

Breathe in
Breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
Everybody bleeds this way
Just the same

Breathe in
Breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away
I will stay

We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
I'm not letting go
You hold the other line

Cause there is a light
In your eyes...

Hold on, Hold tight
If I'm out of your sight
And everything keeps moving on
Moving on
Hold on, Hold tight
Make it through another night
Everyday, there comes a song
With the dawn


We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
But I'm not letting go
You hold the other line

Cause there is a light
In your eyes...

Breathe in
And breathe out
Breath in
And breathe out
Breathe in
And breathe out
Breathe in
And breathe out

Look left
Look right
To the moon
And the night
Everything under the stars
Is in your arms

Cause there is a light
In your eyes...


The bold lyric (of my doing) is what makes this song come alive to me. Losing someone is so terrifying and heinous because against your will, but life keeps moving on. You cannot stop or reverse time, as much as you wish you could. But, somehow, you make it through another night. Somehow, the sun still rises in the morning. You breathe in and breathe out.

The sun has no sympathy for the circumstances. Nature does not care how you live or die, who you love or hate. It does not care how much you have left to do in life; it takes you by surprise, and it does not take gracefully.

Like Stephen Crane says in The Open Boat,

"When it occurs to a man that nature does not regard him as important, and that she feels she would not maim the universe by disposing of him, he at first wishes to throw bricks at the temple, and he hates deeply the fact that there are no bricks and no temples. Any visible expression of nature would surely be pelleted with his jeers. Then, if there be no tangible thing to hoot at he feels, perhaps, the desire to confront a personification and indulge in pleas, bowed to one knee, and with hands supplicant, saying: 'Yes, but I love myself.'"

It is my worst fear to lose him without the sun's sympathy.

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