Notice the new blogger layout. It's not perfect, but it works for now at least. I change my blogger look so much, I think, because I find myself changing constantly. Never satisfied, I guess. It is the most fitting design I think I have used so far.
I am skeptical
confused right now.
Not just with where my life should go, where I want my life to go, "who" I am, but "what" I am. I have become tired of the Christian community I am familiar with deciding who I am and what my purpose is. I love the people in that community, hate the things that supply and demand from it. In better terms, I hate the marketability of Christianity.
Who are we calling ourselves Christians, anyway? There are no Christians in the Bible. They were all Jews. Jesus was a Jew, for goodness sake. But this is for another blog post.
I am reading the book The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. (marketable?) Not by my own merit (ever), but because I am in a summer Bible study group reading this book. It is simplistic modern Christianity at best. And at worst? Marketable.
What is Ortberg's intent in writing this book? I like to think it is a genuine, good intent. But how many "Christian self-help" books focused on white-collar Christianity have I read? Too many. Books that tell me exactly what I need to know to live a solid Christian life, assuring me that the Christian life is "difficult" (Do Americans even know what a truly difficult life is?), but God is out for our good so be thankful and surrender to Him.
I would like to think that the 'Christian' life is more than reading self-help books, hesitant tithing, praying to a ceiling, and listening to sermon podcasts on my iPod. I would like to think that God is so much bigger than churchy jargon and idealistic-but-not-utilized concepts we offer to ourselves, and to each other.
I like to think that walking in nature,
having a deep conversation with a friend,
crying with my husband,
eating a well-prepared meal,
journaling my thoughts,
smiling at a passerby,
is dwelling in His presence.