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February 23, 2008

intention vs. reality


I intended for this blog to be about my Kristopher Cody, and our journey together. I have so many crazy thoughts and deep feelings for this man, it is a shame for me to keep it inside. It drives me nuts to keep it inside.

I strayed from blogs about him for a good reason; it was a time in my life I had to "leave" him and 'find myself'. I'd say I've made a 150 degree turn around now. I am becoming me again, but fear I will never completely arrive because of the scarring that coming to Cornerstone has caused. Or maybe these scars are good. Maybe God had to perform surgery to make Sasha better so she can be more suitable for his Kingdom. But the scars still hurt. I have to be patient while they heal.

In the meantime, I love nostalgia. The best way I find Sasha is through her loaded journals, because those were her private havens where she put her full self. Notice the word "were". She doesn't write anymore. She lost her passion. She lost herself! She so lost it! I don't feel like Sasha is herself anymore, but she is getting there.

Anyway, about nostalgia, and about my Kristopher, I have a story I want to share. Passages from my journals will tell the story.

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