It's A New Day.. (For [ⓜⓐⓧ] ♥ *feeℓin aℓℓ... pecuℓiar☂) by PaisleyBear☺ on Polyvore.com

Maybe that is why I like staying up past midnight and waking up after dawn. I get to greet the new day. Every new day has potentiality. As I have heard it said recently, time is a type of wealth. You can do with it what you wish. Days off work are the greatest. I could do anything. I sit on my couch with a computer and a quiet night and know that tomorrow has nearly endless possibility. I could sit in one spot all day and read a book. I could take a 5 mile walk. Sleep in until 3. Get ice cream. Do laundry (ugh...why did I think of that one?!).

I think about all the new days I get to have; twenty-one years of them so far. I think about how much a day is worth. Though I treat them like pennies to be tossed aside or quickly used up, in reality they are gems to count over and over and contemplate how to spend them. I can't believe how much time has passed since 1988, and how what has happened in that time frame. I can't believe I am in Michigan, attending college, married to the best man in the world. I can't believe I am already half way through college. What am I to do afterward? It would be awesome to travel abroad or build a home, but to what avail?

My teen years were supposed to be about "finding myself", and the 20's are for doing something about it. So what do I do next? Where do I go after college? There seems to be endless possibility, but at the same time no where to turn. So I'm going to keep it simple and take it

one
new
day
at a time.

times crumble, tears fall.

April 6, 2005

God,

I love loving Cody. Even in the rough times, I love him. What am I supposed to do? The last thing I want to do is break up. I can hardly stand when he's not around. Then when he is, I end up crying. He gets frustrated when I don't even mean to make him mad at all. He used to promise he would never get mad at me. Now, it seems that is all he does.

April 11, 2005

God,

I feel horrible for cuddling with Cody this morning. No matter how much I know it will displease my true Lover, I still do it. I enjoy Cody's presence, and his warm body against mine. I love him fully and completely.

May 19, 2005

I cry just for the sake of it. I cry for passion in prayer and the ways of God...I cry for who I am and who I should be now...last night I started to bawl. My leg hurt, I was short of breath, my heart hurt. Cody didn't seem interested in hanging out with me. He always seems bored when around me. Unless he can be physically touching me, sometimes it seems he would rather play playstation with Seth or watch T.V. And guess what? He doesn't even like to walk. That's really really crappy because I need someone in my life who will walk and talk with me once in a while.

Last night when I was crying I decided to calm myself down by taking a shower, and Cody wasn't going to come up anyway, so why not? I went downstairs, trying not to be seen with my watery eyes, and as I was coming up, Cody was, too! I was mad at myself, then, for taking a shower, because I could have hung out with him instead of taking a shower. So I took a very quick one. I hope he still likes to hang out with me. I guess it doesn't matter because I cannot help if he does or does not.